Safety

Me — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 23:05:38 +0000

Tall Dude: If we both like 32-33 and not married let’s just get married K? You can be my safety valve. K Thx.

Short Girl: hahaha safety valve hahaha

Tall Dude:

Short Girl: You realize that is only 6 years away. FML

Tall Dude: alksjd Better get crackin or you stuck with ME!

Filthy Boys.

Me — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 23:00:08 +0000

Tall Dude: He was boning a girl in the butt…and well…some stuff fell out. aklsdj

Short Girl: WOAH why are boys so filthy?
I would buy a cat now and get it over with if they weren’t equally as filthy to me.

Lessons Adapted from Mr. Burgandy

Me — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 22:52:35 +0000

Tall Dude: I learned how to say, “I want to be on top of you” in sign language. Deaf chicks here I come!

Short Girl: lol

Tall Dude: Thanks for the courtesy ‘lol”…you’re a peach.

Short Girl: I am just picturing you walking around trying it out.

From left to right: PERVERT LECHEROUS

Addiction to Affliction? Stop.

Me — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 22:42:21 +0000

Short Girl: “Sense of hummar” FAIL!

Tall Dude: LOLOLOL Some people just suck. I saw a guy wearing an Affliction shirt yesterday and laughed out loud…

Short Girl: HAHA yeah I giggle, some guys can do it…

Tall Dude: And he was pushin’ 40.

Short Girl: Others it only enhances the douche… it is a fine line.

(NOTE: Unless you are in UFC, chances that you can pull off a wardrobe dripping with (and I do mean A LOT of) Affliction, TapOut, Ed Hardy, etc… are slim)

If I had a trunk monkey…

Me — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 22:31:55 +0000

Tall Dude: Sigh, still can’t believe that chick just blew me off. wtf…no bueno.

Short Girl: Yeah that is so lame.

Tall Dude: If I had a trunk monkey I’d sick it on her.
I don’t have to buy a Christmas present though.
There’s a positive to everything

Balls

Me — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 18:14:26 +0000

Short Girl: Well, I had a giant ball dropped on me this weekend if it makes you feel better.

Tall Dude: askldj, WTF

Short Girl: Might have to break things off with the guy.

Tall Dude: Oh… a proverbial ball.

Breakfast down, breakfast up

Me — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 18:07:06 +0000

Tall Dude: Except I don’t wear PJ’s, I’d be sitting there in my underwear
How’s that for a mental image ehhhhhh? hehehe

Short Girl: lol

Tall Dude: You’re like, “I just threw up my breakfast…thanks asshole.”

Short Girl: Basically, but I was biting my tounge.

Tall Dude: alksdj
I knew I missed your snarkiness. The day you say, “Zack…you’re swell” is the day I claim your computer has been hacked my a 12-year-old Taiwanese kid.

Mis-fire!

Me — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 20:55:45 +0000

Tall Dude: Chester Copperpot just text my mother apologizing profusely.
Aapparently he thought he sent a pic of his dick to my mother.
………..
I’m speechless

Short Girl: WOAH
what
THE
FUCK

Tall Dude: haha No shit! My mom calls me saying “Chester text me 6 times in a row apologizing.”
Apparently he thought he sent a pic of his dick to EVERYONE in his address book that he was meaning to send to his g/f.
Luckily he didn’t send. Praise god! Exactly why he not my friend anymore.

Short Girl: lol

Tall Dude: I can’t believe my ex girlfriend hated Flight of Conchords. What a whore.

Dying Friendship

Me — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 09:50:32 +0000

Tall Dude: I listening to Savage Garden, omfg so good

Short Girl: Why do you want me to hate you?

MmmmNope

Me — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 16:38:09 +0000

Tall Dude: Blaring MmmmBop in my headphones right now, fucking awesome.

Short Girl: Fucking gay, friendship OVER.